Greetings programs!

[The dude needs no introduction. He's simply there, in a bathrobe and boxers and a big pair of sunglasses.]

...Okay guys.



Everybody chill out.



I'm looking for a rug.


If you see a rug. Tell me.

[When the video feed clicks on, Kevin is dressed in a suit and tie and trying as best as he can to look...professional.

This effect is completely ruined by the fact that he's wearing a tie with a Santa Claus on it that appears to be faintly glowing. The Santa is wearing boxer shorts. It was a gift. It may or may not be the only tie he will admit to owning (all of his other ties have been misplaced.)]


When I first showed up I maybe wasn't taking this as seriously as I should have cause uh...


Well. [he shifts his feet] stuff.

I'm here though. And that admiral guy wanted me to be a warden because...I don't know. Lora would say that anybody who puts me in a position of power might have a few screws loose but um..



[long pause.]

I'd like to offer my services. Where ever I can and whatever I can do I want to help.

This guy once said, "I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done." It's escaping my mind who said that-but I kind of had it drilled into me by one of my professors. So...

I'm new here and I don't know any of you guys but I know when a group's out of whack man. You guys are all friends right? Or if not friends at least tolerant? The best kind of friends are willing to tolerate.

I think that's most of my friends actually. But.

It seems like things are being done. We should leave all of that to the experts and focus on the future. Yes bad things happened and people got angry but they're doing what they've gotta do and that's between them and the people who've gotta do it. Family's and friends of them y'know? If you wanna help someone who got hurt why not give them a...hug or something instead of planning to shank the guy who hurt them in the back?

[idle] Seems like people would be better served that way if you really care.

Sorry inmates. People suck. Universal truth and it seems to be spread over...space too. And I don't want to diminish the severity of the situation. You guys just all seem really out of whack.


On that note. I propose a knock knock joke competition. I humbly offer my communicator for you guys to flood with knock-knock jokes.

Here, I'll start.

Knock Knock.

[Added after a minute.]

Please tell me casual's okay. I hate wearing a monkey suit but I figured I gotta take this seriously. You can take me seriously in a T-shirt and jeans right?

[The video turns on with a click-followed by several loud button pushing noises. The image resolves into a young man with messed brown hair grinning like an idiot]

HANDHELD! more power then an apple II, light size and weight..plus a video function...

[It hits him then that the camera is on.]

Greetings Programs! And humans! And not-humans,because sriously how cool is it. we are all here in a space ship?

[The camera pans to-his door] a space ship! But I guess you guys are used to it right? I wished I'd asked that admiral guy if he were George Lucas cause...

[Handwave] hello! Uh [pause] I'm Kevin. Kevin Flynn. Creator of space paranoids, lightcycles..don't listen to history. [Grimace] I. wrote those games

CalTech grad. PHD in programming. I was like, in high school mindset so I slept through most of it.

Uh. Yeah. Think that might be it. Except...I know there's these things but does anybody have some computer stuff I could play with?

Well not play-but we can talk. Cause I want to get the technology right so that I don't

[The screen goes black. All responses from Kevin are now temporarily audio. You can see him-he can't see you.]

[WARDEN FILTER-TEST]

hey! Uh, just playing with the filter-making sure I'm doing it right.